Living with bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety- meet Arielle Bradberry

Arielle C. Bradberry

In this honest and powerful conversation, Arielle opens up about living with bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. Her words reflect the intensity and complexity of navigating life with mental illness — the fear, the confusion, the strength, and the hope.

1. To start, how would you describe what it’s like living with bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety — in your own words?

"Living with a mental illness can be debilitating. It's hard to go to work when you're battling your brain, but it's also hard to stay home because you feel guilty for not making money. My mood is up and down to higher extremes then others because I have bipolar disorder. At times I feel so alone because my family or friends don't understand. When I'm having anxiety many people say just try not to think about what your worried about or try to keep your mind busy with something else. I find this really hard to do and it can be quite frustrating when I'm just trying to enjoy my day. Having depression is awful you feel hopeless and useless. You feel like you don't want to do anything and would rather just lay in bed all day. I try to set goals when I'm struggling so that I feel better about getting things done."

2. When did you first begin to notice signs of what you were going through?

"In 2014 is when I first started to experience anxiety. I had awful stomach aches all the time. In January of 2015 I started to feel like I could do anything and that I was amazing at my job. I stopped sleeping and was having all these great ideas and I thought I was going to win the lottery. One day I felt so off and that my life was going to flash by me but I wouldn't experience it. I called 911 and went to the hospital and later found out that I was going through psychosis."

3. What was the journey to getting help or a diagnosis like for you?

"After I first went through psychosis followed by severe depression I would have awful winters where my mood would be all over the place. At one point I thought I may have bipolar disorder, but I never told my doctor. Over time things got worse and then when I had to host Christmas dinner while pregnant I ended up going through psychosis again. This is when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder."

4. What’s one of the hardest parts of managing your mental health?

"When my mood is elevated it's hard for me to take no for an answer. I've started a few businesses because I thought I was going to do so well and make money. My husband has a hard time saying no to me because I'm so persistent and get upset if he shoots down my ideas. It's hard because I end up spending money and I regret my decisions. It's also hard to manage when my mood is low because I have no ambition to do anything. I also hate feeling low when I have so much to feel happy about. It can feel so confusing."

5. What helps you feel grounded or safe on difficult days?

"(Anything — people, routines, music, etc.) I find running really helps with my anxiety and overthinking. I also like to sit and colour because it gets my mind busy and thinking about what colours to use and where. Journalling is also helpful because it allows me to get my thoughts out. I have a hard time communicating how I'm feeling out loud. I find it a lot easier to write about how I feel."

6. Are there any misunderstandings you wish people didn’t have about bipolar disorder?

"I think a lot of people believe that those with bipolar disorder cannot be stable. They think that having bipolar means you're angry, your mood changes quickly and that you are a moody person. This is not true. Typically with bipolar disorder you could have days or weeks with an elevated mood and then the same with a lower mood. Our moods typically don't make drastic changes unless we are having mixed episodes."

7. What kind of support — from friends, family, or professionals — has been most meaningful to you?

"My husband and my sister are my biggest support. My husband listens to me and adjusts the way he speaks to me when he knows I'm having a hard time. He hugs me when I need it and takes on extra tasks around the house so that I feel at ease. My sister experiences anxiety and overthinking too so she is always easy to talk to because she can relate and understand."

8. Has your mental health journey changed the way you see yourself or others?

"Yes I am no longer quick to judge others because I know they could be battling in silence. I also have more empathy for people. I see myself as a strong person who will do anything in my power to help others feel less alone and know that they matter."

9. If someone reading this were going through something similar, what would you want them to know?

"I would want them to know that life gets better. It is our struggles that make us that much stronger for what's ahead. Having a positive mindset truly does make a difference. If you look at the world and the beauty it has to offer you can help alleviate some of the pain you are feeling. Getting outside and in nature can make a big difference in your mood. You can't just turn a switch on your brain and feel happy, but you can make adjustments in your life to help manage the symptoms."

10. Is there anything else you'd like to share — about your story, your healing, or what gives you hope?

"My family always gives me hope. I want to fight hard so I can remain present for them. I have also written a second book and I am hopeful that one day my story will be shared amongst a larger population of people. I want others to be inspired and feel less alone. I want others to know that they too can still thrive even if they have a mental illness."